Friday, August 03, 2007

Memo to Bob Carpenter


While on occasion Nats fans might secretly smile at your unabashed homerism or grin when you actually get off a good line (see the 6:24 mark on this video), this Nats fan would like to put you on notice as to the following:

* When the Nationals score a run to cut the deficit from two runs to one, that run did not put them "back in the game." Believe it or not, the Nats are still "in the game" when trailing 3-1 in the third inning. As a shameless homer, you should believe that more than anyone.

* When runners are on first and second with less than two outs, and the Nationals get a force out at second, they did not "get the lead runner." The lead runner is now standing on third.

* It's East Capitol Street, not East Capitol Drive, ya hayseed!

* Any home run call that asks a question ("How far's it gonna goooooo?!") is most decidedly not cool, hip, clever, witty -- or any other adjective that might be construed as positive.

* We get it - you used to work for the Cardinals. We know they managed to win the World Series last year. We know Bob Gibson was an intimidating pitcher. We know Albert Pujols is a great hitter. (Speaking of Albert, try a "Poo holes" joke. That's still funny sometimes.)

* Oh, and Nationals fans don't give a rat's ass about what "our friends in Baltimore" are doing on the other MASN channel. In fact, we're trying to forget that our team is linked to the craphole up the parkway by the sweetheart deal Selig gave Darth Angelos.

Believe it or not, that's all I have. I can't pay attention to the TV all night, since Little Rockette usually starts crying for a bottle around the fifth inning. But I'm sure other Nationals fans could add to this memo.


Anonymous Tobias Funke said...

Amen Brother!

What's Carp going to do over the next three days? I want the "homer" to get confused and call the Nats the "opposing team."

6:03 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Darth Angelos. I like it.

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was recently relegated to watching the Nats only because they were playing my Braves. Down 14-5 to the awful Nats in Atlanta, A Braves fan caught a foul ball and apparantly celebrated (God forbid) the event a bit too much for Carpenter's liking. Rather than recognize the good catch, the good time the fan was having -- (after all, can't Carpenter relate to silly acts of self-amusement while watching the Nats get bashed night in and out?) and noted that the score was "14-5, Pal." Apparantly the numbers 14 and 5 really represented where the 14.5 games the Nats were currently out of first place......a one game annomally where the Nats hit anything and everything and Carpenter gets on his box talking trash as if he were part of the bloodbath, taking names.

Carpenter, you'd do well to refer to league standings before you pop off, better yet, call the game. You are just a microphone nerd affiliated with real athletes by chance. You are not part of the team. Just shut up and tell the fans whats going on.

7:33 PM  

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